Paalam,

Exactly one year, same month. AUGUST,  I am hurting again. But this time, I have the courage to say,  Wala Nang Pag Asa. Tama na ang mga binitiwan mong salita sa akin after nyo mag keyboard wAr ni Mami.. Enough na mga katagang "We better separate ways " "Saka na ulit tayo mag usap". Maliwanag pa sa sikat ng araw sa Abudhabi.  Ako nalang ang humahawak ng pisi ng saranggola. Sobrang lakas ng hangin. Hindi ko na kaya hawakan. My hands bleed. Masyadong malakas ang hangin, need to let it go.

Nasabi ko na sayo lahat ng gusto ko sabihin sa text. Malaya ka na. Masaya ka na alam ko. Hayaan mo magiging OK din ako. Kumbaga sa Liver Cirrhosis,  tumigas na ang atay dahil puro scarring na.

Goodluck din sa iyo. Sana mahanap mo ang sarili mo at ang tunay mong ikaliliga. Maraming salamat sa walong taon bilang magkaibigan at pitong taon na magkarelasyon. Sana maging magkaibigan pa din tayo sa future. Kapag kaya na nating kausapin ang isat isa na walang lungkot, sakit at pag aalinlangan. Sana'y magtagumpay ka sa mga desisyon at pangarap mo sa buhay. Salamat Ken.

Happy 68th Monthsary!

Hello. Dito nalang kita i-greet, it seems na hindi mo naman "inaalala" na ang significance ng araw na ito, na itinigil mo noon pang mga nakaraang buwan. Tinawagan kita sa cellphone mo right this very moment para mangulit, pero gusto sana kita batiin, pero nanguna ang hiya at takot ko sa magiging response mo.

Gusto ko malaman mo na special pa din saakin ang araw na ito each month!

Bucket List of Love

The mere fact that I know you won't be holding, looking, kissing and loving me the way you did like before-- after all what happened, I know it's coming to the painful ending. I wanted to give you second chance, to correct all the things that you have done which resulted to the unfortunate relationship we have now, but I can see and feel that you don't want to-well you are trying to, but you just can't. I want to bring back the life I have and  I am entitled of my own happiness (even that means being without you) and I hope you will find your happiness too; But I want you to know, never in a day that have passed that I didn't pray for US. God first, I know He has a better plan for you and me. :)

I wanna write down my bucket list (I hope we will have the chance to make it come in reality before we finally go on with our separate lives)

1-- I wanna "sit-in" inside your class while you are teaching (I have told you this before but you said it's impossible)

2-- Go out-of-town, just the two of us. Smell the breeze, see the bayview and lie above the sand while we watch the night sky

3-- Hug me tight, kiss me hard, say those words I have been missing for months..

4-- Ride (again) those cheap ferris wheels from town feasts.

5-- Buy a couple shirt for us and you will wear that without hesitations

6-- Stay awake up to 4 am, while eating junk foods and watching horror and/or hilarious movies.

7-- Text/call or reminded me that it's our monthsary (every 17th of the month)

8-- Make me cry because of your funny and corny jokes

9-- Tell me how beautiful I am

10-- Ask me out for a movie date

11-- Have a nice picture of us from a professional camera

#IWONTGIVEUPONUS

Emoment again. While browsing our FB chat history, nakita ko tong conversation natin days before ako umuwi ng Pinas... sobrang saya lang, sobrang sweet.. sobrang nakakakilig. Full of love and affection. Then, there was a certain sentence you have said that really motivates me more that I should continue to fight for you.. "WAG MO NA AKO PAPAKAWALAN HA"

No, I won't. Never. Not gonna happen.

In the end, I always pray and hope na dumating yung araw na walang iba, walang bakit, walang kasi.. Yung ikaw masaya saakin, at ako masaya sayo.

Marami pa akong gustong gawin kasama ka. Gusto ko mag out-of-town with you. Gusto ko mai tour ka sa Boracay, Disneyland at bumalik sa Baguio na hindi bumabagyo :) I want to do more crazy things with you. Make pranks, parasailing, helmet diving... I want you to see the world in different perspective. Life is short for confusions, problems and sadness. 

As much as possible, ayaw ko balikan mga texts natin sa isat isa. Bakit? Because it breaks my heart,  shattered my soul into pieces, drained my blood and literally cried me a river. I felt so jealous for myself, sobrang nami miss ko ang usapan natin na puro kalokohan, masasaya at full of dreams. 

I miss when you say I Love You to me. I envy HIM because kung dati akin ka lang, ngayon, part of you is with him.

Alam mo ba lagi ko binabasa ang usapan nyo, konti lang ang na saved ko na conversation nyo.. Pero sapat na yun Ken para malaman ko nasan na ako sa puso mo ngayon. Anong meron siya at sobra mo siyang minahal? Sinasabihan ng ILY? Na HINDI KITA HIHIWALAYAN? Na MAG INGAT KA and always reminding him not to skip meals.

I can't help but not to ask you this big WHY. 

Why did you cheat on me.... :'(

Repost from my Facebook message for you last Aug 10 2014 @ 1:30 am

ang saya pa natin dyan o ken, January 20 yan.. sensya ka na, I cant help not to get so emotional...akala mo kayo lang pwede.. sorry kung napabayaan ko kung ano meron tayo dati..sorry kung di kita nai skype madalas sa saudi, at di masyado nakakareply sa mga txts mo sa roaming.. at sana di kita nasabihan masasakit na salita sa phone at txt nung nov 2013 na pinag ugatan ng pagtamlay mo saakin..kung alam ko lang , sana mas naging mabuti akong gf sau.. siguro hindi ka na naghanap ng iba, at nagkagusto, at nagkaron ako ng kahati na mas minamahal mo na ngaun. alam ko hndi na tayo magiging tayo kagaya dati, lalo na at na open na ang "other side" mo.. sobrang hirap/sakit, alam ko nahihirapan ka din.. pero hanggat kaya ko pa at hndi pa ako napapagod, hindi kita bibitawan Ken, kahit napaka sakit kada oras at araw na magdaan , knowing na hindi lang ako ( or hindi na ako) ang nandyan sa puso mo... i will try to win you back sa abot ng aking makakaya. kagaya ng ginawa kong panunuyo at pagpapakitang gilas sayo nung unang pagkikita natin.. kung dumating man ang oras na mapagod ako at mag give up na, ISIP ko yun, pero ang Puso ko hindi. pero sana maturuan din ng isip ang puso ko na matutunan tanggapin ang desisyon mo. I'll support you still.. wag ka makulitan saakin ha. hindi pa kaso ako makatulog but im tryin to get some sleep, magsisimba pa mamaya 7 am.

One Reason To Hold On..